WHAT REMAINS Chapter 6: Innocent Crush

Star Navy Academy, Annapolis (North American Territory), Spring 2148

“Cadets, atten-tion!” the drill sergeant called. Immediately, the mess of sophomore cadets in the lecture hall stood, some straightening navy-blue uniforms. Sergeant-Major Hollis surveyed them with that narrow, crazy-blue stink eye, mouth grim, thin, unimpressed. “Officer on deck! Commander Loren, Executive Officer, ERS Omacatl. Cadets, present!”

The cadets saluted (mostly) in unison, as a man entered the lecture hall in the formal black uniform of a decorated commander. He rang in at about thirty-five… sandy hair, slightly curly, his hat under his arm. Commanding… used to being in charge, walking with surety and confidence, owning the space. He looked around at the cadets with a blinding smile, stomach-clenchingly handsome, his eyes an opaque jade green.

“At ease.” He didn’t even need the mic, as his voice carried to the back of the room without shouting. You could have heard a pin drop in the silence. It felt as though he yanked respect and attention unwillingly out of the entire cohort, just walking to the lectern on the hall’s dais.

When he glanced back up, however, his eyes landed directly on Sora, four rows up in the middle of the hall. He smiled wider, eyes sparkling.

“At ease, Cadet. Unless you already have a question?”

“Sora!” Cass hissed from Sora’s right, employing a very low whisper.

Sora blinked, realizing the other cadets had already sat down, while she remained standing. From her left, Hayden grabbed the back of her uniform jacket and yanked her down into her seat, before she embarrassed herself further. When Sora glared at him, embarrassed, she already noticed the laughter in his eyes. Fuck, he’s never gonna let me live this down.

Commander Loren began his guest lecture on unusual hyperspace phenomena. A notification popped up on Sora’s notetaking tablet from Cipher, the encrypted messaging program she and the Barca twins used to talk in class.

Hayden: Hot for teacher. I get bingo.

Sora: Fuck off. I was thinking about lunch.

Cassidy: Liar. Besides, he IS pretty hot.

Hayden: Is he? Looks 40.

Cassidy: Some people have sophisticated tastes.

Hayden: “Some people” not including Sora. Ever seen her water polo buddies?

Sora: Shut up. Fine. He’s hot. He probably thinks I’m a goddamn idiot right now.

Hayden: You’re fine. It was cute.

Sora: Did you just call me cute, Cadet Barca?

Hayden: Never. Just the part where you stood there staring at the commander, hearing wedding bells.

Sora: Ew. Wedding bells? Ew. Why would you do that to me?

Hayden: I think I saw this movie. What was it? Right! “Hot for Teacher.” Super cute.

Cassidy: Just don’t go getting any ideas, okay? Either of you.

Sora felt Hayden rile a bit beside her, rolling out a shoulder and typing very quickly. The messages between them turned rapid-fire, bouncing around extremely quick.

Hayden: Whoa, whoa. Who said she was getting ideas?

Cassidy: I’m just saying Cmdr. Loren might get ideas if she gives him attention.

Hayden: So? What if she wants to give him ideas?

Sora: What’s wrong with getting ideas? He’s just a guest lecturer. It’s not like he’s staying to grade reports or something.

Hayden: Yeah. She knows what she’s doing, Cass.

Cassidy: The man has a reputation. Don’t you two listen to the scuttlebutt?

Hayden: Come on, it’s the navy. There are always rumors. Can’t she just think the guy’s hot?

Sora glanced left and right, realizing the twins had fixed eyes on each other past her nose, communicating silently with their eyes. The two of them were replicator babies, every gene carefully selected, and you could tell when you looked at them. They had a European look, both unreasonably attractive, Cass blonde and Hayden brunette. Sora found it unusual to see daylight between them, but they’d grown into extremely different people. Hayden’s gaze flickered to Sora, and his eyes twinkled encouragingly as he winked; she knew the idea of her flirting with a commander delighted him. If Hayden and Cass had been born twins in body, she and Hayden were twins in Id. They liked to make stupid bets about which one of them would be the first to sleep with an officer, acting as the other’s wingman, egging each other on. She looked back down at Cipher, already typing, when Cassidy elbowed her. Sora looked up.

“Cadet?” Commander Loren smiled, looking right at her. Oh, god. “What’s your name?”

Sora stood. “Cadet Sora Kuromoto, sir.”

His smile grew, if possible, that much larger. He had smile lines around his eyes. Sora already wanted to get closer, to examine and trace them. Every muscle in her abdomen clenched tight.

“Since you were so eager to be on your feet earlier, maybe you’d like to help me with the board?”

She heard snickers around the room. Totally unfazed and unashamed, Sora stood and straightened her uniform neatly. She passed Hayden as she went, looking him in the eye, seeing him grin outright and flash her a thumbs up. His eyes danced, as if to say, You got this. Go show him your stuff. That gave her the confidence to carry her down to the dais, practically sauntering across her row and nearly bounding down the lecture hall steps to join Commander Loren.

The triple-layered boards glowed where a stylus pressed their surfaces, and the screens could change handwriting into typeface at incredible speed behind the writer. They could also inscribe a lecturer’s words via mic, if set up properly beforehand. These boards came in with a newly installed system, so Sora gathered Loren hadn’t worked with them before. She began setting up, focusing the whole of her mind on the task so she didn’t stand there with her mouth open, drooling at him. Meanwhile, the commander watched her actions with interest, close enough she could smell him—clean, musky, chemically yanking her spine out through her naval, so attractive and compelling up close that she wanted to leap on him, wrap her legs around him, and compel him to carry her out of the hall.

“How would you like them set up, sir?” Sora cleared her throat, pulling open the drawer full of styluses to show him. “You can write, or I can write notes for you, or this mic here can go on your uniform. The boards will write down what you say.”

“Efficient and accommodating,” Commander Loren said to her warmly. He had a low, lilting voice, an aura of sheer presence and magnetism, with eyes of opaque jade green shot through with steel. “I think I’d like a scribe, if you believe you’re up to it. I can be exacting, and you’ll need to be quick.”

Sora saluted gamely, his eyes holding hers tight. “Sir. On it.”

With his head turned away from the class, where only Sora could see his face, she caught him sweeping his eyes over her body slowly and openly, before going on with his lecture.

Sora felt a sharp thrill of victory, so excited she could throw up… before dodging a look at Cassidy and Hayden. The latter sat grinning broadly at her, obviously proud. Cass frowned, mostly hiding it, just a small line furrowing her brow. When Sora looked at her, Cass nodded and smiled a little, maybe to buck her up… but Sora couldn’t shake off the fact that Cass looked worried, like actually worried, in a way she hadn’t conveyed to Hayden effectively, or even to Sora. That alone splashed a little cold water on the idea of flirting with Loren, even on Sora’s feelings themselves; she started making notes without being overly accommodating and coyly flirtatious, as she’d otherwise been planning.

The lecture proved interesting, and Sora got a lot from it taking notes on the board. Commander Loren excelled at speaking to large groups, painting a vivid picture of what it felt like to serve in space. He answered questions cleverly, quick-witted and fast with answers and little jokes that landed well.

He also teased Sora out, throwing little questions her way that made her laugh, or referring to her as his “lovely scribe,” making cadets chuckle warmly. They worked well together; she did her best to anticipate what he would need, drawing down another board just before he appeared primed to pivot. Whenever Sora fell behind during a nuanced point, Loren would detour into an interesting on-ship story, giving her a gracious chance to catch up… and she’d reward him with a grateful smile. Whenever he nodded or winked at her in acknowledgement, or shot her a special, private smile of approval, electric thrills shivered up her spine. She felt an instantaneous and undeniable connection with him, and she could tell that he felt it too, because he would look back into her eyes over and over like he couldn’t help it… not always with a smile. A couple times, she saw intensity, glowering, disbelief.  

The class stood and clapped when Loren finished his lecture, before they all saluted. He thanked them with his carrying voice, gifting them one last kiss of his commanding presence, and the drill sergeant dismissed them.

“Thank you for being my scribe, Kuromoto.” Loren’s voice sounded warm, just over her shoulder as Sora cleaned up. She took a quick glance, noting the twins moving slowly behind a clump of students on the stairs. Loren went on. “You’re very quick, very efficient, good at listening. You pay attention, anticipate needs. I wish I could have you for all my lectures, honestly. You’ll do well on the bridge of a Destroyer. Efficient and flexible.”

Sora flushed over her chest and back at the compliment, feeling hot under her uniform collar, especially at the way he said flexible. She finished packing up styluses, glancing up at him in quick snatches. She couldn’t totally get her head around how attractive he was, the way he wore his uniform—confident, like he was born to it, like the starched lines and stiff collar didn’t make him uncomfortable—and the intensity of his eyes, fixed steadily on her, commanding her gaze.

“You’re overdue for your own command, huh?” Sora asked playfully. “Working on those inspirational oratory skills for when they give you your own ship?”

Loren went weirdly still, his smile wide but frozen. Sora kicked herself internally.

“Captain Sun is a… kind man, and Omacatl’s a good ship,” he said diplomatically. “I’m very lucky. I get to see things many people only dream of. And there are only so many commands to be had.” He leaned toward her a little, light returning to his smile, like he refused to allow the interaction to turn sour. “It’s been a while since I’ve done anything at the academy other than lecture. I’m sure you know the best spot for coffee on campus these days. Don’t suppose you’d be my wayfinder for a minute?”

Sora’s neck got very hot under her uniform, and she could feel it spreading to her cheeks. Goddamn it, she didn’t normally let attractive guys get to her like this, complete with actual blushing and making an idiot out of herself. A beautiful woman, someone radiant or energetic, especially if she flirted with Sora at a party or danced with her at a club, could make her blush to her toes… but not guys. She didn’t like giving a man that kind of power.

Cass and Hayden made it to the other side of Commander Loren’s podium.

“Sora—we’ve got to get to our reading group.” She caught Sora’s eyes, widening her own meaningfully. Goddamn it, Cass…. Just let me show him a freaking coffee cart, huh? She couldn’t tell if Cass was being overprotective—unlike her—or just miscalculating. Why would Command let Loren on campus to lecture if he had some kind of skeevy rep? And he was a freaking commander, XO to a Star Destroyer. Cass’s ambition knew no upper bounds, obeyed no stratosphere. She should have been thrilled to see Sora getting in good with him.

Hayden studied Sora for a second, probably seeing the screaming in her eyes. “Come on, Cass. She doesn’t have to go to every meeting, right?”

Cass shot him a look, and they launched back into their twins-only, expression-based contest of wills, which Sora recognized from knowing them for fifteen years, but which probably just looked like a couple long glances, blinks, and micro-frowns to anybody else.

Commander Loren barely noticed the Barcas’ interruption, however, and he kept his attention fixed on Sora. That interested her; normally when people met Sora, they immediately started asking questions about her father. Then the moment the Barcas came along—ERSN royalty, grandkids of Hamilton Barca, the first Star Destroyer captain in history—they would immediately gain the limelight. Loren didn’t seem to give a good goddamn.

“What do you say, Kuromoto? Going to be okay without your security blankets?” She heard a taunt in his voice.

Something about the taunt immediately made Sora want to go with him, just to show him that Sora Kuromoto did whatever she damn well wanted… but then she caught sight of Hayden blinking rapidly in surprise at Loren’s tone. After that, Cassidy’s expression—the resignation, like she knew Sora couldn’t turn down the dare. All that made Sora realize she was being manipulated. Not like she’d admit it. Better death than that kind of crap.

“Uh. Cass is right. I should go.” She offered Loren an apologetic smile, because she did want to go with him and talk to him. Why the hell did he have to taunt her? There was something almost insecure about it, like he enjoyed her too much to let her get away. “The uh… the coffee cart near the simulator building is pretty good.”

Loren smiled at her dangerously, tilting his head down, a darkness and intent in his eyes.

“Good to know. I’ll be giving a lecture to the seniors soon. Let’s consider a raincheck.”

Sora nodded wordlessly as Cass draped her messenger bag over her shoulder and led her out, having packed up Sora’s stuff for her at the end of the lecture. Hayden burst out laughing once they were safely in the hall.

“Reading group?! That’s the best you could do?”

“I know it was dumb and obvious, but that’s all I had,” Cass defended herself. “He’s got a history of sleeping with the Omacatl’s ensigns—and I heard he might’ve been with a cadet a few years ago. That’s why he’s never gotten a command.”

Hayden’s blue eyes shadowed. “So? Cass… there are always rumors about people. He’s a popular commander. Ardelean was telling me the senior cadets all love him. I’ve been looking forward to seeing Loren lecture for months. He’s good-looking; the girls are all after him. People are probably jealous, just trying to tear him down.”

Cass rolled her eyes. “He’s preying on ensigns, on his own bri—"

Hayden cut her off. “He doesn’t need to prey on anyone. I mean, look at the guy!”

Sora frowned; Hayden was talking about the sort of thing people sometimes did to him. He was Hamilton Barca’s grandson, navy royalty, good-looking, sleeping with whomever he wanted. Everyone wanted his attention, and sometimes people wanted to take him down a notch. Hayden had been dealing with bullying, rumormongering, and male jealousy since military primary school.

Cass shook her head at him. “People aren’t predators because they need to be, Hayden. He’s dangerous. Can’t you see that?”

Sora had absented herself from this fight; as in all arguments between Cass and Hayden, especially when they concerned her, there was always more to the fight she couldn’t see.

“I don’t see that at all. He likes her. Anyways, what was he gonna do? Jump her bones at the coffee cart? He just wanted to get coffee with her, Cass. You should be helping her. I’m helping her.”

Cassidy shot him a hard look. “Oh yeah, you’re a big help. It’s a huge deal, a cadet flirting with a commander. People might think she’s trying to curry favor with a powerful officer.”

Hayden rolled his eyes. “Come on. It was just flirting. Sora knows what she’s doing. She doesn’t need us being Mom and Dad and getting in her way.”

Cass didn’t back down. “You’re not a female cadet; you don’t understand. You know what kind of reputation or blowback Sora could have to deal with? You could probably sleep with an admiral, and the whole officer corps would just fist-bump you and send you on your way.”

Hayden’s mouth fell open; he scoffed emptily, saying nothing. Sometimes Cass felt justifiably frustrated that Hayden so effortlessly slid into the brotherhood of future officers, and she had to fight her way in, scrabbling tooth and nail, constantly hovering at the top of their class. Sora just slept with most of the guys (and girls too), tried not to put people’s noses out of joint, gliding along; she didn’t want to be part of any war, of the sexes or otherwise.

“Let’s drop it,” Sora told them both, chiefly Hayden, adjusting her bag and feeling the need to defend Cassidy’s intentions. “It’s fine. The rescue was probably a good idea. Loren made me feel like an idiot around him, and I hate that shit anyways.”

“You mean… you have a crush on him?” Cassidy frowned at her. “That’s unusual for you.”

Sora swallowed. It had been a while since she’d had an honest-to-god crush and hadn’t just thought someone was cute or hot. Usually she felt like the hunter, sharking through campus, snagging prey at will, before moving on. Control had slipped and slid from her fingers like so much water, like she wore puppet strings attached to her arms, twitching along to Loren’s whim… wanting to feel his eyes on her, drink up his approving smile like a drunk at a bar.

Her stomach fluttered; she desperately wanted to go back and accompany Loren to the coffee cart… soak in his presence, bask in his attention… and that alone made her want to avoid him. Her own desire for control asserted itself, turning her sour-perverse, contrary, sick to her stomach, yanked and pulled in two nauseating directions.

Her communicator tugged at her attention, and she glanced down, seeing that she had a message from Commander Loren. He’d very quickly—alarmingly quickly—dug her ID out of the database.

“Wow… he sent me a message,” she said immediately, glancing up at Cass.

“Whoa.” Hayden sounded both impressed and shellshocked. “Haven’t seen this movie. Hot for Cadet? He’s really not gonna let you get away.” He thought about it for a moment, looking around with his eyes clouded. “When I do that, it’s because I really like a girl. I think you definitely caught his eye.”

Sora opened the message, swallowing. “It’s the date of his next lecture.” She went silent reading the second message under the date.

Cmdr. Loren: Meet me outside Hamilton Hall and show me a good coffee cart. Unless you’d like to come be my lovely scribe again. I like watching you work.

Cass studied Sora’s communicator. “Look at that wording—like he expects you to be there to meet him. No question at all, as if you already agreed.” She scowled. “Watch you work? God, what a sleazebag.”

Sora blushed again, not finding it sleazy so much as intriguing. Loren did appear to expect her there at the end of the lecture, if his wording offered any indication, and he wanted to get her a cup of coffee; he had zero expectation of a denial this time, and it didn’t seem wise to reject such an open and upfront invitation from a senior commander, the XO on a Destroyer.

Hayden eyed Sora. “Nervous? You have the guy wrapped around your finger at this point.”

Sora’s mouth went dry; maybe in Loren’s position, Hayden would be totally enthralled by a girl, afraid of letting her get away and date another guy… but she had a feeling Commander Loren wasn’t like that at all.

“You’re thinking about going, aren’t you?” Cassidy asked quietly.

“Maybe,” Sora admitted, putting her communicator away. “I’m just gonna think about it—and it’s my decision, okay? I appreciate the warning.” She started walking. “Let’s get to the simulator so we can be done in time for the party at Zheng He.”

Hayden grinned, following her. “I owe Ardelean a drink. You think Davenport’s coming? I need you wingmanning for me, hard.”

Sora chuffed. “I’m on it, until Rory wants to hook up—and don’t give him too much whiskey, huh? Really messing with my fuck buddy, man, the two of you drinking your asses off at the last party.”

Hayden flushed and smiled almost bashfully. “Yeah… sorry ‘bout that. Upperclassman with crazy stories, and he’s fun to drink with. I wish you’d freaking date the guy already, instead of just being friends with benefits. He’s a great time. I feel like I’m dating him for you sometimes, trying to keep him from wandering off.”

Sora grinned; Rory Ardelean had been her most regular fuck buddy since freshman year. “Man, Rory’s not like that—and neither am I. We don’t date. Works for us.” She looked back at Cass, who was ignoring them, doing something on her communicator. “And Cass, don’t forget—I’m doing your hair this time. Jase Novak’s gonna be there.”

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